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Excuse me? Preschool?

Xary's starting preschool this month... well... really tomorrow and I thought I was ready but I'm honestly anything but.

I decided to deep clean Xary's bedroom a couple days ago and I found myself on the floor in the middle of her room crying. Not the usual cry by the way. It was the boo-hoo-hoo, snatty nose, dribble on myself mess.

So why was I crying?

Well, I was cleaning out her chest of drawers and found myself in a sea of outgrown newborn and toddler clothing and all of a sudden... my throat started to close up. A heaviness consumed me and for a moment, I can't breathe. It's the realization that time is flying and my baby girl is growing up before my very eyes, although I didn't realize by how much until that very moment. It's a bittersweet moment - a mix of joy and heartbreak together. My little princess, who was once 7 pounds, 7 ounces who I held for the first time almost 3 years ago, is now over 25 pounds and can no longer fit into any of her fully covered onesies that she once slept in. Now she's walking, talking, swimming and giving Leroy and I a run for our money every since day.

My Princess at only 4 months old (Photo by: Kyle Archibald)

As I sat on the floor crying my eyes out, surrounded by all the items that once brought baby Xary joy - her swaddle blanket, baby wrap, mittens, booties and caps - I realized that although I love watching Xary grow, I wasn't prepared for how quickly it would happen. The first time she came home, the first Christmas outfit, first Mother's Day and Father's Day, first and second birthdays... It's so bittersweet and happens so quickly, each moment passing as swiftly as it came.

Now as I fold each item of clothing to pack them into storage and make space for the newer, bigger items, it's weird because packing these clothes away feels like I'm letting go of my baby Xary. One day I'll be packing away her toddler clothes as she grows to be a child and then her child sized clothes as she grows to be a preteen, then a teenager and then to an adult. All the sleepless nights, the tantrums - I'll miss them.

But for now, as I pack up and store all all the outgrown baby outfits (maybe for a sibling in the future, who knows) and make room for the preschool uniforms and bigger outfits, I know that Xary will always be my baby girl and no matter how much she outgrows her clothes, she will never outgrow my love for her.

My most recent photo of my baby girl

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