Updated: Oct 14, 2021
I don't know why when women get married, people think they're supposed be all conservative in their choice of clothing, their choice of words (we're supposed to be seen and not heard)... and it's even worse when we become a mother.
With that being said, for my birthday this year, your girl went to Tobago for the weekend with her hubby, baby girl, parents and brother. At just a little over 2 months postpartum, although I looked and felt great, I was home every single day since baby girl was born so what better time to plan a mini getaway than for my birthday? I needed a change of scenery badly! Fast-forward to the day we're supposed to return to Trinidad, I told hubby I needed a mini photoshoot to commemorate this birthday. I turned 28 approximately 2 months after having a baby and I felt amazing! I donned my monokini and took to the beach where I posed for a 20-something photos - all of which I absolutely love!
I never told Leroy this but when I posted my birthday swimsuit pics on Instagram, a very religious classmate of mine (I hope she reads this btw) messaged me privately and after a load of bs small talk asked (and I quote) "Now that you have a daughter, how do you think she's going to react to seeing you in a swimsuit on the internet?" GUYS! I had to gather my thoughts for a full hour before I responded... because oooooooooooh she was gon GET ITTTTT! *Raven-Symone’s voice* So how did I respond? After calming ALL the way down and refraining from letting her know how her mother made her in explicit and excruciating detail, I replied, "She's going to think her mom is confident in the woman she is and loves herself and her body (clothed or not) after having her", then I blocked her on IG and removed her as a friend on FB (petty I know but I didn't want her to have any other means of contacting me). I haven't spoken to her since.
Why is it that when we have a child, more so a daughter, we are expected to be more conservative for our child? I never think what is my child going to think of this because I am confident in the woman I am and respectful in the way I honour myself and my body. I think that our children should see us happy exactly the way we are. I look good; flaws, stretchmarks, cellulite and all! I appreciate that I look good and I'm going to dress to suit. My baby girl is going to grow up looking at her mom being happy, after all, it did take me a while to get to a place where I am this comfortable in the skin I'm in. Remember children learn what they see and I'd much rather that she sees me happy and content than she sees me disgusted or insecure about my body. Plus, I definitely do not want her to think that it's her fault that I don't like my body. I saw a quote recently from Kate Winslet (you know... Rose from Titanic) which stated 'As a child, I never heard one woman say to me, "I love my body". Not my mother, my elder sister, my best friend. No one woman has ever said, "I am so proud of my body" so I make sure to say it to Mia [her daughter], because a positive physical outlook has to start at an early age' . I totally agree with this statement because body dysmorphia is a real thing and I don't want my daughter to endure what I went through - always thinking I was fat and unattractive and generally unhappy and insecure with my body image.
Let's be real, your sexy before you have a child and after are two completely different types of sexy. Adjusting to my new body took time but I've reached a point in my life where I accept it and love my body, after all, it went through the trauma of carrying and birthing a child and came through it gracefully. As Kate also said, ‘I have a crumble baby belly, boobs are worse for wear after two kids… I’m doing all right. I’m 33. I don’t look in the mirror and go, “Oh, I look fantastic!” Of course I don’t. Nobody is perfect. I just don’t believe in perfection. But I do believe in saying, “This is who I am and look at me not being perfect!” I’m proud of that.’ - This is currently my mindset.
On a whole, as women, we tend to be overly critical of ourselves but we have to learn to make ourselves feel good. We need to stop waiting to feel good about ourselves, especially after having a baby. I get it - it is hard to love yourself when you have an idea of how you used to look pre-baby. I know the journey of self love after your child is born is a long and can be a very tedious one, but we’ve got to at least reach a point of acceptance - accept that now we’ve got stretch marks and our boobs don’t look the same anymore - and find things that fit us and make us feel good. We tend to wait to buy an outfit for ourselves or only feel happy when we get to a “good size” or until we get back to the size we were before we got pregnant. We need to stop doing that! You’re stalking that dress online with a slit up to your waist but feel weird because you’ve got that lil tummy pouch after baby was born. To hell with that! Buy that shit! Wear that shit! Take pics! Own this new sexy!...... And don't forget to encourage and support your fellow girlfriends and mama friends too (because we do need it sometimes).